Friday, December 31, 2004
Human emotions. A very complicated term.
Everyday, i experienced different form of emotions-happiness, sadness, disappointment, amazement...
Have you guys ever tried to control your emotions then?
I did and most of the time i failed.
It was easy to say than done. There was a time when my grandmother passed away. The atmosphere at the funeral was tense. We sat silent most of the time and not a single person cried-Our grandmother wanted us to be strong(Tat's wat my parents said.) However, nobody could withheld our tears when we saw our grandmother's dead body in the end even young children like us. Till now, i still feel a sense of emptiness whenever i think of her. Perharps, i really miss my grandmother alot.
Then, there was moments when i experience buildin anger. I tried to keep cool but anyhow, i just "exploded" and In the end, i would often felt embarrassed or regretful abt my sudden outburst of temper.
I hated the most when i felt lost and confused. Everything just seemed to turn away from you. You have no aim, no direction and life just seem so meaningless. The worst part of it was tat nobody could understand ur emotions and there was no one to lend u a listening ear.
I changes as i grew older. The way i deal with my emotions changes as well. Right now, i allow myself to be emotional. Afterall, i'm also a human.I allow myself to cry when watching drama series without thinkin i'm silly and i allow myself to laugh when met with awkward occurances. In fact, i even laughed at myself in front of the mirror daily to cheer up my day. You can try this as well. It really works! haha
5:21 PM
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Is it true that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover?
In this world, is inner beauty really more important?
I really dun noe.
But one point is confirm-one's appearance do matter.
In reality, life's cruel. We watched people in reality series like The Swan n Extreme make-over, tryin to beautify themselves in order to gain back their confidence. They cried and complained abt how their looks had "destroyed" their life. I understand their feelings and situation completely. It's sad but let's live with it. Hey, we were born this way n so let it be.
I'm just an average joe, livin an ordinary life. I used to be severely overweight and unsurprisingly, i had been teased mercilessly. I still remembered this coffee shop attendant who always called me "Xiao Pang Mei"(in another words Little fat girl) when i was around. My pride was hurt deeply.
As i grew older, i couldnt control my weight problem. I tried everything from exercising and dietin but all was futile. I was discourage and my solution to cover my disappointment- To eat more. Of course, i was given lots of cruel nicknames as a result. There was once, when 1 of my primary school classmates even wrote a hurtful poem in my autograph book. It goes like this:
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
May
May Who?
May Yi's a big fatty!
I cried after readin it.
Sometimes, i just dun understand how human relate to one another. Shouldnt we suppose to be sensitive to the other party? Shouldn't one's characters be more important than appearance? Our looks changes as we grow old but not our characters. Our individual personalities remain permanent.
But, come to this moment, i must thank those people who had teased me in one way or another. Their insults had motivate me to lose weight throughtout the years. Anyway, I must admit tat my first intention was to look better but after sometimes, i realised i was exercising to be more healthier.
Right now, i was happy with my weight, my look and my life. I may not be a magazine cover girl but i'm who i'm n i like myself. Hey people! Let's face it! Unattractive people are also humans. They do have feelings. Just give them some space to live n breathe in peace...
5:00 PM
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Nowadays, I realised how fortunate i am.
The recent killer waves which killed millions of people is devastating.
I felt sad for all those who were affected n many thoughts just came into my mind.
Why did we only realise life's so precious at our last moments? Why did we only cherish our loved ones when met with any misfortune. Is this reality? Is Mother Nature then set to kill?
My thoughts went unanswered.
However, i learnt an important lesson.
I used to n r still worried over many things. Things such as whether i have enough pocket money to survive each wk, my phone bill, my exam results, experiencing a new sch environment, whether i have gain any extra pounds etc etc. The list goes on and on.
But When i compared my problems with those tidal wave victims who had lost their loved ones, lost their home grounds and even lost their way of life. I realised my worries and problems are no big deal at all.
I'm so fortunate.
I couldn't imagaine living without my family, my friends as Life would definitely not be the same anymore. I do quarrelled with these people some other times- I shouted at my parents when they misunderstand me, i argued with friends when things went sour. Sometimes, I even apologised in the end but i guess all was too late.
The hurt had already been inflicted on the other party.
Well, i reckon in this world, we must forgive n forget, learnt to think twice before each actions and live life to the fullest. Unexpected things happened each time and i told myself to be prepared to leave this world with no regrets...
5:29 PM
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
I went to the gym just now, spending almost 2 long hour, doing my gruellin routine work-outs(20 mins on the treadmill, 20 mins on the stepper, 20 mins on cycle, 20 mins on stretcher n the rest muscle build-up. I always left the gym, feelin energised and satisfied but hungry at the same time. My stomach just coulnt stop complaining-"I need food!". I always had a hard time at those moments. What should i exactly eat? Friends who sometimes came along wld looked at me in amazement and gave me their advices-" May yi, you cant just keep on dietin n exercisin. U r just torturing ur body!" Yea, i knew they were right but hey, I enjoyed such lifestyle(really). Exercising and dietin had already become part of my life. I'm happy to visit the gym everyday n i'm seriously nt sick of it. In fact, i love it! haha~ Maybe i'm a exercise freak or junkie but i must really say tat those gym visits had indeed make me more healthy. Anyway, after much thoughts, i stood at one corner starin at the "Macdonald" sign and then the "kong guan bun" sign, nt far away fro it. In the end, I had 2 Kong guan vegetable buns(I knew my friends wld say "not again"" for my breakfast. Surprisingly, i felt much happier. I suppose, i had make a right choice in the end..Afterall those buns contain less calories.hehe
5:12 PM
Monday, December 27, 2004
*yawn* I'm still so tired after my 2 hr long nap. Just came back fro the shopping trip wid wai. I guess it was more of a "walking" trip..haha~ We really walked a lot..futhermore i had visited the gym earlier...*yawn*
Hmm..btw, i had finally settle on this blogskin. It was too cute for me to resist..haha~ Anyway, one of the teacher fro Innova Junior college called me after my nap n told me abt the sch orientation. I was kanna in the group called-Gemini. At tat point, i couldnt help but felt scared abt how time really flies-Sch is reopening just next wk! In a wk time, i'm goin to experience a whole new learning environment n meet many new faces. Didnt it sounds cool? haha~it just reminded me of those days when i attended my sec 1 orientation.wahahahaha~ Tsk Tsk...i'm gettin more n more excited..hehe~ I suppose i would definitely miss my secondary sch life. Let's hope in a few months time, all of us wld gathered back in yishun town n receive great results..haha!
7:12 PM
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Omg..just change my entire blogskin. It was damn tough!!! I dun even noe wat the hell am i doing?? lol~ I suppose my current blog still look fine even though i'm nt a supportor of natasha beddingfield..hehe. Sounds so irony..wahahahaha Anyway, i'm pretty amazed by the fact tat i'm so FREE. ya..free! Well, if you still dun get it, i've been workin as a sales promoter for 7-eleven for the past 3 weeks and fortunately it ended on 24th dec!!! I couldnt express how tough tat job is. In fact, i swear i wldnt be a sale promoter in my future anymore.haha~ Hmm...but then i suppose all was worthwhile coz i learnt quite a lot of workin experience n make many new friends! Somehow, i even felt like cryin durin my last day at work..lol. I miss those staffs especially steven!! Wahahahahaha. Okok..guess i got to end off. Sch returning next wk!(time files) Peace out...
9:00 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Phew..Just started this blog stuff and realise it's so simple!! Hmm..i'm still a newbie here n hope all friends outta wld guide me along. Peace out guyz!